The Bond of Brothers

This is an ethnographic study I did last semester on a real group of people and my observations.

The Bond of Brothers

The Disabled American Veterans (DAV) is a group of men and women veterans who are rated at zero percent or more disability and are registered members. All members must be military veterans with disability ratings or attempting to gain disability rating through military compensation and pension. Their group has been around since World War Two.

The group has formed a kinship together as well as with other military veterans who may not be rated or members of the DAV. This group of men and women call each other “Brother” and regard each other close, if not closer, than their blood brother. Commander is an Iraq veteran, James is a Navy Vietnam veteran, and Pops is an Army Vietnam veteran. These men are very influential and highly involved in the DAV and in outreaching to other veterans in need in their community.

Each Chapter of the DAV focuses on a particular area, mainly their own community as well as a few small communities nearby. The goal of the DAV is to better the lives of veterans and their families. This goes hand in hand with the brotherhood they share together. My relationship to the group is a marital relationship. Commander is my husband and the leader of his Chapter in the DAV. I am not a “Brother” or member of the DAV for I do not meet the criteria, but I am a welcomed, trusted person within their group. My position helps me in understanding the language used inside the veteran culture and my knowledge and ability to witness firsthand permits me more information than a complete outsider could gain.

The military was born out of strife and alliance. Men and women of all generations became children of the military, trained and raised by the same rules and morals. Each member of the family was taught even the simplest things like when to shower, eat, and shave. There were extreme rules that the family had to follow as well. Members of the family were taught how to work and fight together as a team. No family member was left behind and together the “Brothers” united to achieve a common goal working toward freedom for their home and salvation for their other “Brothers” fighting with them by their sides.

In the living veterans of today you could view this family all as “Brothers” in these terms, yet they do seem to set them selves apart by wars in terms of generations. The grandfather “Brothers” are the Korean and World War Two veterans. The father “Brothers” are the Vietnam veterans and the remaining “Brothers” are from any war following Vietnam. The bond between generational “Bothers” has strengthened for Vietnam and younger veterans. Vietnam veterans have taken younger veterans under their wings after they were not supported when they came home from the Vietnam War.

When I asked several veterans how they viewed the term “Brother” they responded not in terms of their own biological brother, but in terms of relationship. Bushsteel (an Army Iraq veteran) answered, “Blood doesn’t cover it. It’s an unbreakable bond between two men going to a situation and one hundred percent of the time having each other’s back. Even ten years later you can pick up a conversation with these men like it was yesterday. They always got your 6.” This term “6” is a military term meaning back. When the men would speak to each other out in the field they would refer to the placement of things or people in terms of time.

In my observations at the Veterans Day parade I saw the deep respect and love these “Brothers” have for the flag. You could see the difference between military, family of military, and civilians as the flag passed people by. Veterans and military members took their hats off and saluted the flag; standing in perfect form (Attention) showing it the most respect they know how to give. Family members of veterans put their hands on their hearts and their stance was a close imitation, but not an exact stance of a true military member. Civilians clapped, waved, and yelled “thank you” to veterans walking in the parade. When I asked several “Brothers” about the flag Kenny, a Navy veteran, told me that the flag is everything we (Americans) stand for, “I taught the boy scouts in my son’s troop how to retire out a flag. In this process you must cut the flag into four pieces. When we did this I hated to see it.” (Kenny’s tears fell from his eyes) “I know it is the right way to retire it, but it still just felt so wrong.”

In the parade I rode with Pops, we drove in Kenny’s Jeep. The jeep is blue with an American flag on the grill and four flags blowing in the wind off the back. The first is an American flag; the next is a POW-MIA (Prisoner of War- Missing in Action) flag, a Patriot Guard flag and lastly a flag to honor military members. Kenny had a CD prepared with some music he picked out to have blasted during the parade. As we drove along Pops asked me how Commander is doing, honestly. I couldn’t lie to Pops so I told him Commander has been rough lately, but he is working through it. “If you ever need a break call me,” he said as he kept waving to people walking on the street. Half way through the parade Pops spoke again “this parade gets to me every year,” he looked at me and his eyes glossed over. “Me too,” I said as we both looked away from each other and waved at some more people.

At the end of the parade we parked in a parking lot and waited for the rest of the parade to filter in and the roads to be opened back up. Kenny told Commander he could drive his Jeep back to the staging site. I went to get out of the front seat. “No ma’am, I will sit in the back.” Kenny hoisted himself up and over the back tire and into the back of the Jeep. Commander was sitting in the driver seat. Pops walks up to Commander and puts his arm on the ledge of the window. “How you been doing Buddy?” He asks Commander. “Fine,” Commander says. Pops looks to me for a flicker of a second then looks back to Commander, “go on home, take your medicine and get some rest okay.” Commander nods. When we left Miss Maddie, an Army Vietnam veteran, waves to us and asks who’s kids are who’s sitting in the back. She looks to Commander and Kenny, “you boys stay outta trouble now.”

Every month the DAV meets to discuss logistics, check in with each other and see if there is any veterans in need in the community and if so they discuss what to do, then vote on it. In the meeting the men and women are serious when it counts but seem to razz each other and joke quite often. When discussing new members Commander calls off names and branch of the members to be voted into the DAV. “Jack Smith, Navy,” he calls. “Good guy,” James says laughing while gaining a few chuckles of others in the room, “We need more like him.” Members start to joke about which branch is better Navy or Army. This type of joke is the most popular amongst the group and at times may seem pretty harsh, but in the end of the razzing everyone is laughing and telling stories about when the other branch saved them from some mishap or even more, from some explosion.

During the meeting Commander asks if there is anyone hospitalized, sick or passed away. James stands, “we just found out last week my wife has cancer.” A hush from those quietly talking in the room washes over the group. “I am sorry to hear that James, your wife, you, and your family will be in my prayers.” The meeting moves on as other logistics are discussed. After the meeting a group of men linger in the room and another group lingers by the smoking area. When we get into the Jeep Commander shakes his head, “that is just awful that James’ wife has cancer.” He shakes his head again and silently drives off.

D, a Coast Guard (Katrina Relief) veteran, tells me about when she first got around “her guys” she wasn’t treated like she belonged. The men would play jokes on her and try to get a rise out of her. One time they placed a spider in her locker (she is very afraid of spiders) she calmly removed it and went on about her day. She decided to get them back by sneaking into their bathrooms and putting Kool-Aid in their shower-heads, which would dye their skin when they showered. Over time many gags and jokes were played but one day they stopped and she was trusted like the other men, like family.

In this family not only is there a common bond to each other through blood shed, creeds spoken and willing hearts to sacrifice all that they have for the betterment of mankind, there is also a deeper kinship. The men share in supporting each other through whatever they are struggling for. If a brother has a fight with their wife, the family works together with the couple supporting them and helping them trough the hard time. If a brother doesn’t have money to buy their children Christmas gifts, their family food, or their vehicle parts they pull together and give financially. If a brother needs to talk or vent about something a brother is there to listen with an understanding ear. These “Brothers” are a family brought together and raised by the military. They have a deeper bond with each other than their blood kin because of the experiences they have had together. The bond is unbreakable and it sees no difference between rank, war, branch, gender or race. It is the one family that so many unlike people come together and are forced to form an allegiance with each other toward a common goal. In this allegiance they must fully trust each other to succeed in their goals and many times to live another day. This family literally must put their lives in their family members hands and trust they are safe. The extreme circumstances that bring this family of “Brothers” together are also what keeps them together.